New Illinois "Skin Tax" Reinforces an Outdated View of Women, Sex and Strippers
Click HERE to read the latest Pole Story Blog!
Click HERE to read the latest Pole Story Blog!
Monday, September 10, 2012
Sunday, September 2, 2012
It Is Better to Have Loved and Lost...
Have you ever felt like your heart was being shredded? That
it was just so full of sorrow that it might explode through that tight place on
your breastbone? And do you know
that feeling you get in your throat, right before your tears start spilling out
onto your cheeks and off the bridge of your nose? Like it’s so tight it would
hurt to swallow? That’s how I feel right now.
I hate loss. But I think the grief that comes with loss has
the potential to be purifying.
Whenever I cry, Teddy takes my face gently in both his hands and
murmurs, “Aw, hon…” while he carefully wipes the tears away with his thumbs. Teddy loves me. I can feel it in his
touch; in the way he puts his hand on the small of my back every time we cross
a street. I see it in the way he
looks at me with love even when he is completely exasperated with me, and the
way he takes care of me, and my cats, and my home. He seems to take pleasure in making me breakfast every
morning he is here, and waking me up with a kiss and a “Good Morning Kitty”.
During the week, when he is at work as an air traffic controller for the Marines,
and we are apart, he still wishes me a good morning kitty and sends a kiss via
text. Every morning, without fail,
no matter how early he has to get up.
And at night, when we cannot sleep in each other’s arms, he says
goodnight the same way. “Goodnight
Kitty. Sweet Dreams. Kiss.
I love you.” To which I always
respond, “Goodnight Baby. Sweet dreams. Kiss. I love you too.” There is some thing so tender about
being the first thing someone thinks of in the morning, and the last thing they
think of before they fall asleep at night. But he was that for me, just as I was that for him.
There is no real reason Teddy and I broke up. We fought very little and laughed a
lot. We had adventures
together. We supported one another
through difficult times and life altering changes. And we cheered one another’s successes. We fit. There was harmony. And joy. A lot of it. The biggest struggle was perhaps the
distance. We saw each other only
on weekends and sometimes, during the week, the stress of being apart would
create tension. Teddy used to joke
that he was going to stop calling me because the only time we ever fought was
on the phone. He was right. The second we were in each other’s presence, any
lingering anger or fear would instantly melt away.
There is this book called “A General Theory of Love”. It talks about why we are attracted to
and fall in love with certain types of people, but from a neurobiological
perspective. It’s nerdy and spot
on, and so of course I love it.
They use a term called “limbic resonance” to describe that feeling of
mutual attunement that lovers have with one another. From a neurobiological perspective, limbic resonance is
literally two nervous systems that are dancing together. This happens not just between lovers,
but also between mothers and infants and even close friends and siblings. It
has the effect of helping people to regulate their emotional states. Teddy and I had this in spades. He would walk in the door, and I would
feel my whole body relax.
Apparently I did the same for him (which, for those of you who know me
and my high levels of anxious energy, seems absurd).
I have never felt more cherished than I did with Teddy. Despite our thirteen-year age
difference and him being the younger one, he was, unfailingly, the man of the
relationship. With him I knew that
I could relax, because whatever “it” was, would be taken care of. He found my spastic outbursts (which
usually led to me inadvertently inflicting pain on him or myself) amusing. If I hurt myself he was there in a half
second, arms wrapped around me, making sure everything was ok. He never let me open a door. He made sure he walked on the street
side of the sidewalk. He fixed
things around the house that I presumed were either unfixable or completely out
of my scope of knowledge (which is of course, limited). If I was particularly overwrought he
would just hold me in his arms, and tell me to breathe, and kiss me until I
calmed down. He wanted to talk
about things. He put our
relationship first as much as he could, especially given the demands of his
job. He didn’t expect me to be
anything other than a woman, and accepted that meant that I would be emotional,
irrational at times, excited about house wares and clothes, and uninterested in
sports. He loved my femininity.
And it didn’t hurt that he knew how to shoot a rifle, fight, and wore cammies
to work.
At times, we felt our age difference. Particularly when we had to listen to
each other’s music. Especially when we talked about the future. Teddy was perhaps more committed to a
future than I was for a long time.
He saw the differences and believed they were workable. I saw them too, but at 36, I saw them
from a different vantage point, and felt I could never ask him to commit to a
lifetime with me. I wish I were
wrong. I still hope that I am. I know in my heart – the same one that
is aching with the pain of our separation – that I am not. He knows it too. But then again, our hearts often lead
us astray.
A month ago, Teddy got orders from Quantico. He leaves for Okinawa in December for
the rest of his enlistment, which is 2 ½ years. I am not going with him. One of
the last things Teddy said to me was that he couldn’t stand being together
knowing that we had an expiration date.
That it felt forced. And
that is no way to be with someone.
He is right. For the past
month, since we got the news, neither one of us has slept well and our time
together has been marked with tears and grief at the impending end of our
relationship. It seems so stupid that two people who bring each other so much
pleasure and joy should have to separate.
Teddy has a huge, generous heart.
I do too. And so together,
we would take all the joy and love between us, and we would, without ever
outwardly discussing it or agreeing on it, spread it around to others. We liked to help people, our friends in
particular. We liked to share our
joy and our good fortune with others.
I hate loss. But I hate the Hallmark, pop psychology
sentiments that people thoughtlessly offer in times of loss even more. Along with the expectation that we just
“keep going”. So I was thrilled
when my friend Meghan recently sent me the following quote: “I admire those who
buck the cultural expectation that we move on quickly after a loss as huge as
the end of a [relationship]. If we
do not suffer a loss all the way to the end, it will wait for us. It won’t just disappear. It will fester and we will experience
its sorrow later, in strange forms.”
It was like salve on a wound.
And it’s the absolute truth.
I have seen the later forms of undealt-with sorrow. It’s not pretty. So
while I sit here, hating the ache in my heart, and the stickiness of my tears,
feeling lonely as all hell and a little angry at the world, I also feel
grateful. Grateful to be able to sit with my pain and see it through to the
end, however long that may take.
Grateful to have met and fell in love with Teddy. Grateful for the exquisite year we
spent together. Grateful to know that there is, out there, a man who loves me
just as I am. Even if he isn’t
mine anymore. And even if it means
I have to miss him.
Friday, July 13, 2012
Friday, April 20, 2012
Pole Dance Politics and Empowerment
“Empowerment is not giving people power, people already have plenty of power, in the wealth of their knowledge and motivation, to do their jobs magnificently. We define empowerment as letting this power out.” (Blanchard, K)
Pole dancers love to talk about empowerment. It’s a sexy word that brings up images of ninja goddesses twisting their bodies into impossible shapes while celebrating the raw sensuality and power of their movement. At least, that’s what the word does for me. For others, the words pole dancing and empowerment seem like a joke: what on earth is empowering about dancing around a pole in slutty stilettos? (For an answer to that question, click here.) It’s true that for many women, pole dancing class makes them feel strong, sexy, confident, and yes, empowered. But what happens when the business practices of an industry that prides itself on empowering women are in direct conflict with that particular value?
For example, pole stars who tour the country teaching workshops make their money by teaching at multiple studios in the same city. Studios who demand exclusive rights to certain pole stars when they come to city (without offering additional compensation for the lost revenue) are behaving in a way that is prohibitive to the financial well being of those pole stars, and to the industry overall. This is just one example of how the pole industry shoots itself in the foot.
I spent a long time dancing at a particular studio that I loved – until I found out that they retained the services of a copyright attorney whose sole purpose was to protect the brand of the company by (among other things) actively pursuing former teachers who were perceived to be a threat. One of my good friends, who had been through their teacher training but never taught at the studio, called me to tell me she was being harassed with emails from the studio’s lawyer because of a picture on her yoga website which showed her doing a pose that supposedly “belonged” to the studio curriculum. I was shocked. And I made the decision that I no longer wanted to give my money to a company that spent its time tracking down perceived threats instead of giving its receptionists raises. When attempting to promote my book at my home studio, I was told that it did not represent the brand adequately and there was concern about my references to “the pole dancing movement” rather than to the studio exclusively. My posts were deleted from all of their FB pages and I was defriended. This was extremely ironic given the fact that most of what I wrote about did nothing but promote and support much of this studio’s work, and bring solid psychological underpinning to its curriculum – something no one else at that studio could have done. Nevertheless, it is that studio’s right to carry out their business practices as they see fit. But it gave me pause. How could a studio that preaches female empowerment be so narrow?
Other examples of pole business practices that disempower women include bogus teacher trainings that are designed to make the studio money, rather than provide students with well-prepared, savvy and safe instructors, competitions that fail to adhere to basic safety practices and organizational skills (usually because the organizer is primarily interested in making money) and of course, bullying.
Think there is no such thing as bullying in the pole world? Think again.
A competitor decides on a last minute wardrobe change for comfort reasons and the owner of the competition accuses her of trying to promote another brand at her competition. A studio accuses another studio of stealing a workshop idea and denounces them publicly on Facebook. Upon discovering that a teacher is teaching Pilates at another pole studio, a studio fires its teacher 5 days before the start of a session, leaving the students hanging and pursuing aggressive legal action against that teacher, despite having previously agreed to the arrangement. Students are falsely warned to not compete at a particular competition because the equipment is “unsafe”.
A pole dance event agrees to take money from a company for their show in exchange for prominent and exclusive advertising and then does not honor that agreement. A company offers a sponsorship contract to an unwitting pole star that gives them complete control over the athlete through vague legal language and loopholes. The list goes on.
It would seem that there are two different issues in each of these scenarios. The first is how women handle competition and aggression. According to Dr. Erika Holiday, women tend to hurt one another because of feelings of inadequacy and self-hatred in the face of intense competition. Because a woman feels like she has no place to turn, she keeps everyone else in line and hurts them for being deviant or straying from the norm (From Mean Girls, Meaner Women). This topic merits a blog unto itself, so stay tuned for my review of Dr. Holiday’s book, and how it applies to the pole world.
The second issue is what happens when a company preaches female empowerment while its business practices embrace cutthroat, greedy and single-minded tactics. And is it possible to grow a company in a way that is both successful and ethical? For more answers, I turned to Jack Gaffney, President and CEO of Bad Kitty Exoticwear.
CS: Many people refer to pole dancing as a "grass roots movement". How do you think such a movement can co-exist with current corporate businesses as a model for expansion? Are the two mutually exclusive?
JG: Pole is definitely a grass roots movement. I often compare it to snowboarding or skateboarding on many levels, and I have written a few blogs on that topic (Click here to read those blogs). But pole has a major advantage over those two Movements: social media.
There are over 800 million people on Facebook alone, and within 5 minutes a newbie to pole can become completely entrenched into the global community. Technology has connected our planet like it has never been connected before with instant access to just about anything you could want. Social media has played an intricate role in toppling political regimes, organizing such things as Occupy Wall Street and the Arab Spring. In the pole world, Bad Kitty has customers in over 50 countries as of today. Prior to having social media at our disposal, that could have taken a decade to achieve. In my opinion, this is one of the main reasons pole has seen such explosive growth in such a short time. Not only do we have the ability to watch a live event, but literally within seconds after a performance a video can be uploaded and shared across the planet. This creates a MASSIVE amount of exposure and piques interest to new people every day. As the mainstream sees more people embracing pole, they open up to accepting it and past stereotypes begin to be erased.
In regards to corporate businesses co-existing with local studios as a model of expansion, I believe it can in fact be a mutually beneficial relationship as opposed to mutually exclusive one. However in order for that to happen the corporate entities need to take a Top Down approach and not only understand their customers, but their customer’s business. I subscribe to the theory that a "rising tide lifts all boats". When we entered the pole industry it was much smaller than it is today. We realized that in order for us to be successful, we needed pole to be accepted and successful. And because pole studios are a local business, we needed to come up with creative ways to help studios grow their student base, get exposure locally and focus on their core offering which is, of course lessons. This is why we sponsor athletes and events - the show must go on if you will. Our customers depend on our sponsorship dollars to put on these events. Every studio owner has similar wants and needs.
For example, our PoleFit line of apparel for was created for the community with the assistance of the community. It is the community’s line as much as it is ours. We beta test new products with pole dancers all over the world and get feedback, then make changes etc.
Doing business this way takes more time, but in the long run we feel we are delivering the best product available to our customers and we are more than willing to be patient and open to feedback. In addition, we made a decision to only allow pole studio owners to purchase at wholesale prices. We have rejected over 200 wholesale accounts this year alone because they are not a "Pole" company. What we did in fact was create an exclusive product for an exclusive community and granted exclusive rights to distribute the product to the community members. Studio owners can apply this new revenue to keeping prices lower for classes, expanding their studio, marketing, hiring and/or training new instructors etc. By conducting business in this fashion we do not compete with our studios, but rather we enable them to create a secondary revenue stream within their studio and take a role in assisting with the product development.
Moving forward in 2012 we will be launching a suite of new business related technology services to pole studio owners. I cannot get into specifics at this time but I can say that we have spent almost 18 months developing some of these features and the entire offering is designed to increase local awareness, drive traffic into studios and make their jobs a lot easier and more efficient. Everything we have built out thus far has been built in the same manner as PoleFit: through lots of conversations with lots of people and specific solutions built custom for pole studios’ needs.
So to summarize my answer to your question: corporate entities need to be a large part and take a lead in the grass roots movement and become a part of the community which supports their business. They need to give back, be committed, honest and transparent...all things that come from the heart.
CS: Do you think there is a "socially responsible" and "socially irresponsible" way of growing businesses? How does the pole industry fit into these models?
JG: Yes, but not just socially responsible, but overall responsible. We subscribe to "The Golden Rule" which is of course: treat others the way in which you would like to be treated yourself. This is the simplest rule in existence, but one that is rarely followed. The students and fans of pole are in fact the MOST important part of this entire movement. Without students, a studio could not exist, without studios, Pole Stars would have nowhere to travel to, without students and fans there would be no events and our own company would not be as successful. It all comes back to the students and any pole business, whether it’s a studio, a pole manufacturer, an apparel company should be extremely thankful for EVERYONE who chooses do business with them. A company’s main focus should be to keep them happy, safe and wanting more. The easiest way of insuring this is to constantly solicit feedback and ask questions - simple questions like "Are you having fun?" and “What do you like best about our studio/product, what would you change and why?” In many instances, people may make suggestions that are easily implemented and other times not. But in those instances, being open and transparent about decisions is always the best approach. If people are left in the dark, they will form their own opinion and that opinion may be unfounded.
An example from our own business is sizing. In many of our new releases from the PoleFit line, we only launched with sizes small and medium. Shortly after the launch we received a lot of emails of customers who were really upset and accused us of only making products for small people, and assumed we had something against larger women. In fact, this couldn't be further from the truth. The fact is that certain styles "as cut" in small & medium require redesign before they can be "graded" upwards or downwards in size. If we failed to properly grade the garment, it would not function or fit properly thus creating a bad user experience. We had made an assumption that everyone somehow knew this...which was a mistake. We grade the garment by going to the community, asking for beta testers of certain sizes and sending them product to test and give us feedback. We then take all this data, re-tool the garment and send them back out for more testing. It isn't until we get it right that we will release it, and honestly, some styles just wont work for a 36DD the same way they will for a 32B. In addition, extremely active Polers have muscle where the vast majority of women do not, typically in the lats and shoulders, so we have found that Pole Wear needs much more research & development than most would imagine. The moral of the story is that once we explained this to these folks, most were extremely happy with the answers. In fact most were ecstatic! No one was right or wrong - it is simply that perception can quickly become reality. You may never know the perception of your company until you dig deep, ask questions and give honest answers.
My advice to studio owners is to constantly ask your students questions, have instructors ask questions and really LISTEN to what they say. Don’t get defensive - they are helping you help them. If there is something they want and you can’t provide it, explain why. That would be the most responsible way of growing your business.
CS: In light of the fact that pole dancing prides itself as "empowering women everywhere" are there, in your opinion, business models/practices that should be followed? Avoided?
JG: Yes, in regards to business practices that should be followed, I would refer back to the golden rule: Treat others in the way in which you yourself would like to be treated. Studio owners are empowering women in so many ways: physically, mentally, sexually, socially. But I think some studio owners lose sight of the fact that the "door swings both ways" - meaning the owner/instructors receive a great deal of empowerment in return. Empowerment is like respect: it is a give and take. Owners and instructors are typically leaders by nature and leaders have a responsibility to their followers - the biggest of which is to teach. It is difficult to get an employee, train them, teach them, empower them and then watch them leave and form their own business. One can take 2 views on something like this: The first is to be proud and supportive. After all you have just helped someone go out on their own, a testament to your abilities as a teacher. The other view, and sadly one I have seen too often, is to become angry, upset, feel betrayed, become nervous about losing students etc. But you cannot teach and preach empowerment and then become distressed when your teaching is successful. As we know, every situation is unique, and every story has 3 sides, one side, the other side and the truth. Since this scenario is fairly common my suggestion would be to REALLY empower your students and employees. Have these conversations early on, discover the wants and needs of your employees, what are THEIR goals, and how can you help them achieve them...ALL of them. I would think having a fully trained, completely skilled and fully empowered staff member looking to venture out on their own would be a fantastic way of growing your own business. After all, starting a new business is difficult: there is branding, location, software, scheduling, insurance, etc. The student/teacher role doesn't need to vanish. In fact it can blossom to an even higher level. Collaboration and partnerships are an incredibly effective way of growing a business and 90% of the time it will make both parties more successful than if they had they gone about it on their own.
In regards to what to avoid: I would say the hardest thing to avoid as a business owner is competition - both internal competition and external competition. Here is the TRUTH about competition: It exists, it always has existed and it always will. If you have built something successful others will look to duplicate your success. But at all costs do not ever let competition consume you. If someone wants to copy everything you do, there is not much you can do about it. But remember that if you are being copied, YOU are still the innovator. YOU are still first. When they copy you, it shows that they have a difficult time coming up with original ideas or recruiting good talent. Focus instead on your own business and what you should/could be doing. It is next to impossible to stop someone from copying you, and unless you are prepared for a long, drawn out and expensive court fight it probably isn’t worth the battle -unless it is malicious and blatantly and truly damaging to your company. So allowing these copycats to consume your psyche will only end up hurting you in the long run. It will cause you to lose focus or worse shift your focus to reacting. Be pro-active, innovative, unique, honest, skilled, open to change and transparent. Create a fun environment and you will do just fine. Is it frustrating, but in my experience if someone’s business model is to replicate and rip off someone else’s ideas that business model will usually fail. Those who implement such strategies are typically only interested in PROFIT and MONEY. There is no emotional connection, and rarely is anything done that doesn’t have a profit or exploitive nature to it. Very few people have loyalty to businesses like this. Seth Godin, author of the book Tribes, states that "Leadership comes when your hope and your optimism are matched with a concrete vision of the future and a way to get there." Those that are leaders understand this intuitively and passionately. Those that follow, copy and "rip off" do not. They are not leaders. They are opportunists disguised as leaders and they can only hide behind facade for so long before being exposed.
Finally, sharing ideas and borrowing ideas from other owners is a great way to streamline successes. The scenarios described above are typically very local studios - sometimes within minutes from one another. But if you are in Texas, why not share ideas with other owners in Florida, or New York ? This is the trend we LOVE to see, and this is real empowerment.
CS: Thanks for the insight Jack !
In other words, true empowerment in the business model means creating an environment where creativity, cooperation and compassion are the cornerstones for success. In other words, an environment where your employees can thrive. So what happens when a company creates an environment where its employees can thrive? Karen Possessky, LCSW, gives us the scoop on the psyche situation. “When you have a company that cultivates an ethical climate good business is a natural byproduct. In organizational ethics, tone is set by the leadership and trickles down to the employees. When employees experience ethical treatment and observe ethical practices, they themselves act ethically, which translates into good treatment of the customers. When that is not cultivated, a sense of helplessness and every man for himself mentality emerges: if management doesn’t care, then why should I care? The system is dysfunctional and the employee is forced to function in a way that is survival based. If the employee doesn’t need to worry about their own survival, they are free to take care of the customer and do their job.”
That sounds like reason enough to follow the Golden Rule if you ask me.
For more information on Bad Kitty go to www.badkittyexoticwear.com
Pole dancers love to talk about empowerment. It’s a sexy word that brings up images of ninja goddesses twisting their bodies into impossible shapes while celebrating the raw sensuality and power of their movement. At least, that’s what the word does for me. For others, the words pole dancing and empowerment seem like a joke: what on earth is empowering about dancing around a pole in slutty stilettos? (For an answer to that question, click here.) It’s true that for many women, pole dancing class makes them feel strong, sexy, confident, and yes, empowered. But what happens when the business practices of an industry that prides itself on empowering women are in direct conflict with that particular value?For example, pole stars who tour the country teaching workshops make their money by teaching at multiple studios in the same city. Studios who demand exclusive rights to certain pole stars when they come to city (without offering additional compensation for the lost revenue) are behaving in a way that is prohibitive to the financial well being of those pole stars, and to the industry overall. This is just one example of how the pole industry shoots itself in the foot.
I spent a long time dancing at a particular studio that I loved – until I found out that they retained the services of a copyright attorney whose sole purpose was to protect the brand of the company by (among other things) actively pursuing former teachers who were perceived to be a threat. One of my good friends, who had been through their teacher training but never taught at the studio, called me to tell me she was being harassed with emails from the studio’s lawyer because of a picture on her yoga website which showed her doing a pose that supposedly “belonged” to the studio curriculum. I was shocked. And I made the decision that I no longer wanted to give my money to a company that spent its time tracking down perceived threats instead of giving its receptionists raises. When attempting to promote my book at my home studio, I was told that it did not represent the brand adequately and there was concern about my references to “the pole dancing movement” rather than to the studio exclusively. My posts were deleted from all of their FB pages and I was defriended. This was extremely ironic given the fact that most of what I wrote about did nothing but promote and support much of this studio’s work, and bring solid psychological underpinning to its curriculum – something no one else at that studio could have done. Nevertheless, it is that studio’s right to carry out their business practices as they see fit. But it gave me pause. How could a studio that preaches female empowerment be so narrow?
Other examples of pole business practices that disempower women include bogus teacher trainings that are designed to make the studio money, rather than provide students with well-prepared, savvy and safe instructors, competitions that fail to adhere to basic safety practices and organizational skills (usually because the organizer is primarily interested in making money) and of course, bullying.
Think there is no such thing as bullying in the pole world? Think again.
A competitor decides on a last minute wardrobe change for comfort reasons and the owner of the competition accuses her of trying to promote another brand at her competition. A studio accuses another studio of stealing a workshop idea and denounces them publicly on Facebook. Upon discovering that a teacher is teaching Pilates at another pole studio, a studio fires its teacher 5 days before the start of a session, leaving the students hanging and pursuing aggressive legal action against that teacher, despite having previously agreed to the arrangement. Students are falsely warned to not compete at a particular competition because the equipment is “unsafe”.
A pole dance event agrees to take money from a company for their show in exchange for prominent and exclusive advertising and then does not honor that agreement. A company offers a sponsorship contract to an unwitting pole star that gives them complete control over the athlete through vague legal language and loopholes. The list goes on.It would seem that there are two different issues in each of these scenarios. The first is how women handle competition and aggression. According to Dr. Erika Holiday, women tend to hurt one another because of feelings of inadequacy and self-hatred in the face of intense competition. Because a woman feels like she has no place to turn, she keeps everyone else in line and hurts them for being deviant or straying from the norm (From Mean Girls, Meaner Women). This topic merits a blog unto itself, so stay tuned for my review of Dr. Holiday’s book, and how it applies to the pole world.
The second issue is what happens when a company preaches female empowerment while its business practices embrace cutthroat, greedy and single-minded tactics. And is it possible to grow a company in a way that is both successful and ethical? For more answers, I turned to Jack Gaffney, President and CEO of Bad Kitty Exoticwear.
CS: Many people refer to pole dancing as a "grass roots movement". How do you think such a movement can co-exist with current corporate businesses as a model for expansion? Are the two mutually exclusive?
JG: Pole is definitely a grass roots movement. I often compare it to snowboarding or skateboarding on many levels, and I have written a few blogs on that topic (Click here to read those blogs). But pole has a major advantage over those two Movements: social media.
There are over 800 million people on Facebook alone, and within 5 minutes a newbie to pole can become completely entrenched into the global community. Technology has connected our planet like it has never been connected before with instant access to just about anything you could want. Social media has played an intricate role in toppling political regimes, organizing such things as Occupy Wall Street and the Arab Spring. In the pole world, Bad Kitty has customers in over 50 countries as of today. Prior to having social media at our disposal, that could have taken a decade to achieve. In my opinion, this is one of the main reasons pole has seen such explosive growth in such a short time. Not only do we have the ability to watch a live event, but literally within seconds after a performance a video can be uploaded and shared across the planet. This creates a MASSIVE amount of exposure and piques interest to new people every day. As the mainstream sees more people embracing pole, they open up to accepting it and past stereotypes begin to be erased.
In regards to corporate businesses co-existing with local studios as a model of expansion, I believe it can in fact be a mutually beneficial relationship as opposed to mutually exclusive one. However in order for that to happen the corporate entities need to take a Top Down approach and not only understand their customers, but their customer’s business. I subscribe to the theory that a "rising tide lifts all boats". When we entered the pole industry it was much smaller than it is today. We realized that in order for us to be successful, we needed pole to be accepted and successful. And because pole studios are a local business, we needed to come up with creative ways to help studios grow their student base, get exposure locally and focus on their core offering which is, of course lessons. This is why we sponsor athletes and events - the show must go on if you will. Our customers depend on our sponsorship dollars to put on these events. Every studio owner has similar wants and needs.
For example, our PoleFit line of apparel for was created for the community with the assistance of the community. It is the community’s line as much as it is ours. We beta test new products with pole dancers all over the world and get feedback, then make changes etc.
Doing business this way takes more time, but in the long run we feel we are delivering the best product available to our customers and we are more than willing to be patient and open to feedback. In addition, we made a decision to only allow pole studio owners to purchase at wholesale prices. We have rejected over 200 wholesale accounts this year alone because they are not a "Pole" company. What we did in fact was create an exclusive product for an exclusive community and granted exclusive rights to distribute the product to the community members. Studio owners can apply this new revenue to keeping prices lower for classes, expanding their studio, marketing, hiring and/or training new instructors etc. By conducting business in this fashion we do not compete with our studios, but rather we enable them to create a secondary revenue stream within their studio and take a role in assisting with the product development.
Moving forward in 2012 we will be launching a suite of new business related technology services to pole studio owners. I cannot get into specifics at this time but I can say that we have spent almost 18 months developing some of these features and the entire offering is designed to increase local awareness, drive traffic into studios and make their jobs a lot easier and more efficient. Everything we have built out thus far has been built in the same manner as PoleFit: through lots of conversations with lots of people and specific solutions built custom for pole studios’ needs.
So to summarize my answer to your question: corporate entities need to be a large part and take a lead in the grass roots movement and become a part of the community which supports their business. They need to give back, be committed, honest and transparent...all things that come from the heart.
CS: Do you think there is a "socially responsible" and "socially irresponsible" way of growing businesses? How does the pole industry fit into these models?
JG: Yes, but not just socially responsible, but overall responsible. We subscribe to "The Golden Rule" which is of course: treat others the way in which you would like to be treated yourself. This is the simplest rule in existence, but one that is rarely followed. The students and fans of pole are in fact the MOST important part of this entire movement. Without students, a studio could not exist, without studios, Pole Stars would have nowhere to travel to, without students and fans there would be no events and our own company would not be as successful. It all comes back to the students and any pole business, whether it’s a studio, a pole manufacturer, an apparel company should be extremely thankful for EVERYONE who chooses do business with them. A company’s main focus should be to keep them happy, safe and wanting more. The easiest way of insuring this is to constantly solicit feedback and ask questions - simple questions like "Are you having fun?" and “What do you like best about our studio/product, what would you change and why?” In many instances, people may make suggestions that are easily implemented and other times not. But in those instances, being open and transparent about decisions is always the best approach. If people are left in the dark, they will form their own opinion and that opinion may be unfounded.
An example from our own business is sizing. In many of our new releases from the PoleFit line, we only launched with sizes small and medium. Shortly after the launch we received a lot of emails of customers who were really upset and accused us of only making products for small people, and assumed we had something against larger women. In fact, this couldn't be further from the truth. The fact is that certain styles "as cut" in small & medium require redesign before they can be "graded" upwards or downwards in size. If we failed to properly grade the garment, it would not function or fit properly thus creating a bad user experience. We had made an assumption that everyone somehow knew this...which was a mistake. We grade the garment by going to the community, asking for beta testers of certain sizes and sending them product to test and give us feedback. We then take all this data, re-tool the garment and send them back out for more testing. It isn't until we get it right that we will release it, and honestly, some styles just wont work for a 36DD the same way they will for a 32B. In addition, extremely active Polers have muscle where the vast majority of women do not, typically in the lats and shoulders, so we have found that Pole Wear needs much more research & development than most would imagine. The moral of the story is that once we explained this to these folks, most were extremely happy with the answers. In fact most were ecstatic! No one was right or wrong - it is simply that perception can quickly become reality. You may never know the perception of your company until you dig deep, ask questions and give honest answers.
My advice to studio owners is to constantly ask your students questions, have instructors ask questions and really LISTEN to what they say. Don’t get defensive - they are helping you help them. If there is something they want and you can’t provide it, explain why. That would be the most responsible way of growing your business.
CS: In light of the fact that pole dancing prides itself as "empowering women everywhere" are there, in your opinion, business models/practices that should be followed? Avoided?
JG: Yes, in regards to business practices that should be followed, I would refer back to the golden rule: Treat others in the way in which you yourself would like to be treated. Studio owners are empowering women in so many ways: physically, mentally, sexually, socially. But I think some studio owners lose sight of the fact that the "door swings both ways" - meaning the owner/instructors receive a great deal of empowerment in return. Empowerment is like respect: it is a give and take. Owners and instructors are typically leaders by nature and leaders have a responsibility to their followers - the biggest of which is to teach. It is difficult to get an employee, train them, teach them, empower them and then watch them leave and form their own business. One can take 2 views on something like this: The first is to be proud and supportive. After all you have just helped someone go out on their own, a testament to your abilities as a teacher. The other view, and sadly one I have seen too often, is to become angry, upset, feel betrayed, become nervous about losing students etc. But you cannot teach and preach empowerment and then become distressed when your teaching is successful. As we know, every situation is unique, and every story has 3 sides, one side, the other side and the truth. Since this scenario is fairly common my suggestion would be to REALLY empower your students and employees. Have these conversations early on, discover the wants and needs of your employees, what are THEIR goals, and how can you help them achieve them...ALL of them. I would think having a fully trained, completely skilled and fully empowered staff member looking to venture out on their own would be a fantastic way of growing your own business. After all, starting a new business is difficult: there is branding, location, software, scheduling, insurance, etc. The student/teacher role doesn't need to vanish. In fact it can blossom to an even higher level. Collaboration and partnerships are an incredibly effective way of growing a business and 90% of the time it will make both parties more successful than if they had they gone about it on their own.
In regards to what to avoid: I would say the hardest thing to avoid as a business owner is competition - both internal competition and external competition. Here is the TRUTH about competition: It exists, it always has existed and it always will. If you have built something successful others will look to duplicate your success. But at all costs do not ever let competition consume you. If someone wants to copy everything you do, there is not much you can do about it. But remember that if you are being copied, YOU are still the innovator. YOU are still first. When they copy you, it shows that they have a difficult time coming up with original ideas or recruiting good talent. Focus instead on your own business and what you should/could be doing. It is next to impossible to stop someone from copying you, and unless you are prepared for a long, drawn out and expensive court fight it probably isn’t worth the battle -unless it is malicious and blatantly and truly damaging to your company. So allowing these copycats to consume your psyche will only end up hurting you in the long run. It will cause you to lose focus or worse shift your focus to reacting. Be pro-active, innovative, unique, honest, skilled, open to change and transparent. Create a fun environment and you will do just fine. Is it frustrating, but in my experience if someone’s business model is to replicate and rip off someone else’s ideas that business model will usually fail. Those who implement such strategies are typically only interested in PROFIT and MONEY. There is no emotional connection, and rarely is anything done that doesn’t have a profit or exploitive nature to it. Very few people have loyalty to businesses like this. Seth Godin, author of the book Tribes, states that "Leadership comes when your hope and your optimism are matched with a concrete vision of the future and a way to get there." Those that are leaders understand this intuitively and passionately. Those that follow, copy and "rip off" do not. They are not leaders. They are opportunists disguised as leaders and they can only hide behind facade for so long before being exposed.
Finally, sharing ideas and borrowing ideas from other owners is a great way to streamline successes. The scenarios described above are typically very local studios - sometimes within minutes from one another. But if you are in Texas, why not share ideas with other owners in Florida, or New York ? This is the trend we LOVE to see, and this is real empowerment.
CS: Thanks for the insight Jack !
In other words, true empowerment in the business model means creating an environment where creativity, cooperation and compassion are the cornerstones for success. In other words, an environment where your employees can thrive. So what happens when a company creates an environment where its employees can thrive? Karen Possessky, LCSW, gives us the scoop on the psyche situation. “When you have a company that cultivates an ethical climate good business is a natural byproduct. In organizational ethics, tone is set by the leadership and trickles down to the employees. When employees experience ethical treatment and observe ethical practices, they themselves act ethically, which translates into good treatment of the customers. When that is not cultivated, a sense of helplessness and every man for himself mentality emerges: if management doesn’t care, then why should I care? The system is dysfunctional and the employee is forced to function in a way that is survival based. If the employee doesn’t need to worry about their own survival, they are free to take care of the customer and do their job.”
That sounds like reason enough to follow the Golden Rule if you ask me.
For more information on Bad Kitty go to www.badkittyexoticwear.com
Monday, February 6, 2012
"Let me preface this by saying that I'm a stripper, and have been for 13 years (started dancing when I was 18). I'm also a visual artist and make a fairly decent living doing that. I would never have been able to make it as an artist without stripping. Everything I learned there about running my own business (from managing my own schedule to taxes) has applied. To me stripping was and is an invaluable job and I would encourage anyone who wanted to try it. I also pole dance outside of the club, both at home and in a dance studio because it's fun and I love doing it.
As far as the pole dancing/stripping interface - I think that what people are eventually going to have to accept is that it's in a different place for every person. Some people pole dance for fitness without ever caring if it's sexy or not. Some people take up pole dancing to learn sexy moves. Some people just love dancing of any kind and embrace the sensuality of the way you can move on the pole as a part of the art form. Any of those people could also be a stripper.
I've see a lot of pole dancing, both in and out of strip clubs, and I've seen girls in clubs who were amazingly gymnastic but honestly not trying to be "sexy", and girls in dance studios who were so sensual and fluid on the pole it would take your breath away.
The whole concept of "sexy" is actually sorta laughable to me because one of the things I've learned after working in strip clubs for this long is that there is no one kind of sexy. Every guy and girl likes something a little different. Some people are going to find any kind of pole dancing sexy - just because that's who they are. Other people couldn't care what kind of dancing you're doing - none of it is sexy or even something they care to watch at all (and yes, you definitely get those kind of people in a strip club).
Overall I think that people who derride pole dancing or stripping do it for the same reason. When a smart, articulate, and often well educated person tells someone that they do something that a smart, articulate, well educated person isn't supposed to do it throws most people off balance mentally. You've just proven their sterotypes wrong simply by speaking to them and, for many people, the only response to this is to now try and cram you into their little mental box where the sterotype used to be. Rather than being annoyed, I'm usually amused by it. Mostly because it's fun to watch people with inflexible minds trying to do the mental gymnastics that making sense of the situation requires."
What do you think?
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
What Does it Mean to Teach?
Teach: To impart knowledge or skill
Instruct: To furnish with knowledge
It’s been a while since I’ve written something. And quite a bit has happened. Aside from being named Editor-in-Chief of Vertical Art and Fitness magazine (shameless plug to get your subscription HERE), I have also started teaching pole. This has opened up a whole other side of pole dancing for me. It is one thing to be a student, and to dedicate yourself to dance. It is an entirely different thing to teach it. Becoming a teacher, in my opinion, is an extension of your learning curve – in any subject. You never stop being a student, even when you teach. At the same time, when you take on the responsibility of guiding others in a practice, you must lead by example. This doesn’t mean you need to be flawless, but it does mean that you need to walk the walk. For example, I can tell my students how to get into their bodies and how to access their emotions in their dance, and I can tell them how to be more sensual, but if I can’t embody those qualities in my movement, then I can’t really guide them to do the same.
There is a tremendous amount of energy that goes into teaching. You are pouring your essence, your enthusiasm, your wisdom and your knowledge into others. You are offering your students support, guidance, encouragement and inspiration. And you are keeping the energy levels up and positive in the room, while making sure everyone is safe and everyone is learning something. You really can’t show up to class with anything else on your plate, or your students will feel it.
I love it.
For me, teaching is about being of service. It’s about nurturing and cultivating my students and helping them to grow in places they did not think possible. But it’s also about respect. In order to teach your students, you have to respect them. You don’t have to like them, and you don’t have to be friends with them, but you do have to show them respect. I remember when I first started learning to pole dance I viewed my teachers not just as instructors, but as mentors. I believed in them and in what they were teaching me, and I had the utmost respect for their insight and wisdom. Partly this was because they inspired me and partly it was because they acknowledged that whatever journey I was on was my own, and they knew when to get out of the way. Today, I try to inspire that same feeling in my students - not through flattery and empty cheering, or authority and credentials, but through sincere acknowledgement, careful observation, and kindness.
As a student, one of the biggest mistakes I saw teachers make was letting their egos get in the way. If you want to teach, you cannot have an ego about it. Your students will eventually see through it, and they will tire of it. It is obvious when your students’ successes mean nothing more to you than a reflection of your own genius, or even worse, dollars in your wallet. Naturally, everyone is susceptible to this kind of a thing – we are human after all – and we like appreciation. But teachers who impart knowledge and skill as a one-way flow of information are doing their students and the material a huge disservice. Learning is a co-creative process. People learn differently and in order to teach properly, you have to be able to understand your students’ learning styles and adjust accordingly. This is true for pole dance too. Your students may have blocks or fears in completely different areas. Being able to identify those areas and help your students move past them requires you to be as aware of what your student is doing as they are of what you are teaching. In psychology we learn that what you see in someone else is always filtered through your own lens, which is shaped by your own experiences. It is impossible to make an observation about another human without taking into account your own issues. This is especially important to remember when you are a teacher because you are being asked to guide another person on their journey. How you guide them will depend heavily on your own level of self-awareness and humility.
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| My Marine Wives Class at Camp Pendleton |
Of course, all of this is easier said than done. But the joy must come not just from your success at imparting a skill, but at your student’s happiness at mastering it.
In celebration of my new teaching position at Polistic Dance Studio in Los Angeles, Polistic is offering fans of The Pole Story and Bad Kitty Exoticwear a special discount: Bring your friend for free to an Intro to Pole class. Share the link to this blog on Facebook then message me for the Promo Code!
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
The Pole Story is showcased on KTLA with Bad Kitty Exoticwear!
I had a blast dressing up in a Sexy Santa costume from J. Valentine, along with the Bad Kitty crew Tuesday morning for KTLA news! Crystal Fambrini showcased a number of sexy fun products, including The Pole Story for her style section. Check out the pic and click here for the clip!
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