You Keep your Rules, I'll Keep my Gluteal Folds

There is an interesting conversation happening at Studio Veena at the moment.  It's about whether or not there should be a dress code in pole studios.  You know. Whether we should start telling women they need to COVER UP a little more when they are in the studio.  I scrolled through the comments, which range from "hell no" to "yes of course" and came up with my own response to the situation.  Read on.

For the love of God. If I wanted to be a part of a community that was going to tell me how to dress right down to the number of centimeters my gluteal folds are permitted to be "exposed", I would have been a damn gymnast. I would have been been an ice skater. I would have been a swimmer. No, see I became a pole dancer because it gave me freedom - freedom to be who I am in the studio and out, freedom to explore my dance through things like dressing up or down, playing with heels, collars, ties, boots, hoodies and whatever else I found myself drawn to in the moment. Pole is subversive. It's subversive because it challenges the traditional ideas of what a woman can and cannot be, should and should not do when it comes to her body. When you have a woman who is smart, articulate and perhaps works as an engineer by day (like Nadia Sharif) and then who puts on high heels, and dances out the sexy in her free time, you have a woman who is actively breaking down stereotypes. Why yes, I can be smart and sexy and be public about both. Why no, dancing in high heels on a pole does not make me a dumb, desperate woman. And yes, I am CHOOSING to dance like this, to move like this, to DRESS like this because it pleases me. And I really don't care what you think. Because what you think is a reflection of your own values and issues. I'm at peace with my choices, and who I am. 
This is what infuriates me the most about these kinds of "rules" about dress and bodies and exposure in pole: Underneath is a thinly veiled expression of shaming. And shame is what I shed when I started pole dancing. The words "appropriate" and "professional" come up a lot in this thread in reference to clothing. I spend my days working in a place where I have to be appropriate and professional. The last thing I want to do is walk into my studio at the end of the day and get the same rigamarole. As far as getting the mainstream to accept pole, I truly don't think pole will go anywhere if we whitewash the sexy out of it. Why should we change in order to be taken more seriously? If you change yourself to be accepted by another person, what happens? You lose the respect of that person and you lose your identity. That same dynamic exists on a macro level as well. Yes, pole is athletic and it gets you fit and it's beautiful and yes it has many faces, including competition.  And yes competitions and studios need rules for safety, among other things. But forcing pole dancers to look or act or present themselves a certain way just so that "other people" will accept pole as "legitimate"  is just squeezing the very soul right out of our pole culture.  Pole is already legitimate. We make it legitimate just by the simple act of dancing.

Thoughts?

Why We Can't Move Past the Sexy Stigma

In September, three brave women went on Anderson Cooper to defend their kids’ right to pole dance.  I watched the show several times and several things popped into my head straightaway.  First, I was disappointed.

What disappointed me about the show was that Anderson Cooper and Goldie Hawn cast pole dancing into such a black and white light.  Is it sexy or is it not sexy? Well, the truth is, it’s both.  And like everything in this world, what pole is depends on the context in which it is being explored.  And yet, this narrow attempt to define pole dancing in an oversimplified way highlighted not just how little the general public knows about pole but also how the pole dance community lacks a strong defining image.  When Anderson Cooper points out that the adult classes focus on “increasing the libido” and have overtly sexual names like “sexy-flexy” and “babes on bikes”, he is making a very valid point: How can you say what you are doing is not sexual when all of your adult classes focus on sexuality? We cannot, as a community, vigorously argue that we want to move past the stereotype of pole as a sexy activity and then market our classes as sexy.  It makes no sense.  We, as a pole community have to be clear on our message and our definitions of pole, and paradoxically, we have to be able to defend the sexy in order to defend the fitness.

Another problem I saw with Anderson’s line of thinking and therefore his questioning was the assumption that pole dancing will somehow lead girls down a shameful, sex-driven, promiscuous path of harlotry and immoral behavior.  He asked two versions of the same question.  The first was, “Why pole dancing?  Why not something with less of a sexual connotation?”  The second was, “Once they reach maturity, THEN what happens?” 

I love these kinds of questions because they reveal our culture’s innate reaction to female sexuality:  Keep it secret and keep it safe.

As if a woman who learns the art of sexuality and pleasure through dance is also learning to disrespect her body and her sexuality.  I would argue that in fact, the opposite is true.

One of the biggest concerns with young women and sex today is that they often view sex and sexuality as something you give as a performance for attention, rather than something you engage in because you want to.  There is a psychologist named Deborah Tolman who has written extensively on this topic.  She talks to girls about their experience of “wanting” versus their experience of “sex”, which is more often than not about being wanted.  Tolman uses the phrase “silent bodies” to describe the sexual experiences of these young girls.  Whether or not these young women had sex, they had a difficult time expressing if or how they felt desire or arousal in their bodies.  They instead chose to muffle their feelings, out of fear for where it might take them, out of shame and out of anxiety.  Nevertheless, they were still engaging in sexual activities and, more often than not, these activities were described as having “just happened” to them.  This is dangerous.  When a girl does not know what her own feelings and desires are she is much more vulnerable to the power of others feelings and desires. 

If what Tolman is saying is true, then teaching young women how to develop a subjective sense of their sexual selves would actually be a solution to them giving away their sexuality, when in fact we must teach them to own it.  In other words, our culture needs to teach women how to get in touch with what desire and arousal feel like, how to experience it in their bodies, and how to express what they want and don’t want.  Pole dancing is actually an excellent vehicle for such an education.  And this is because sexuality and desire are primarily experienced in the body. 

So to turn Anderson Cooper’s line of thinking on its head, I would argue that it is important for every young woman to learn how to explore her sexuality through pole dance in a safe, all-female environment.  I won’t teach my daughter to pole dance because I want her to go to the Olympics or win a competition somewhere- I will teach her to pole dance because it will teach her about her body and her sexuality in a healthy and sane manner.

Clearly Anderson’s question about where someone would “go” after learning to pole dance is based not just on his lack of understanding about the value of the sensuality of the movement, but is also designed to point out that pole dancing has no organizational strength.  And here, he also has a point.  We are so new that we do not yet have all of the things that other sports have to show their validity: scholarships, corporate sponsors, official coaches, etc.   But that will come, if we want it to.

I think the question is, do we want it to?  Goldie Hawn’s parting advice to the brave trio was to take the sexuality out of the movement and out of the marketing campaign immediately.  But should we really do that?  It brings us back to the age-old debate: Do we jettison sexuality in favor of mainstream acceptance of pole dancing? 

Personally, I don’t think that will ever happen.  But what this interview highlighted was just how confused people are about what pole dancing is. 

My personal belief is that until we can defend the value of the inherent sensuality of the movement, we will face ridicule and misunderstanding from the general public.  The truth of the matter is the majority of pole dance studios (in the US anyway) are focused on the sensual aspect of pole.  It is impossible to argue that pole is a sport and a form of fitness only while marketing classes as a form of sensual empowerment and putting on shows that highlight the sensual nature of pole dancing.   We need to address the issue of sensuality, the inherent value of the sexiness of the movement before we can defend it as nothing more than a form of fitness.

I wish Anderson Cooper and Goldie Hawn had been far more curious in their line of questioning.  I wish they stuck to their promise of having a “chat” about the topic with these ladies, rather than assault-style questioning.  Because perhaps then, all the beautiful aspects of pole could have been shared and understood by people around the country.  Next time ladies…next time.

How To Look at a Woman

I almost posted this picture without any words.  But you know how I like to have to have an opinion on things. 

This picture argues that based on her hemline alone a woman can be judged on her moral character and her sexual nature.  Of course, this kind of thinking is not new.  And while the idea that a rape victim is “asking for it” based on her clothing choice is considered unacceptable by many in the U.S. today, if a woman dresses provocatively and then complains about the attention she receives, most people are less than sympathetic.  Because she was asking for it, right?

It’s complicated.

On the one hand, many women acknowledge that dressing provocatively will almost always result in male attention (if the men are straight).   But men are going to notice a woman no matter what she wears. Whether it's an ankle or wrist underneath a burka or super cleavage, the female body draws attention. The question is, what is that quality of attention? Is it respectful and admiring of a woman's beauty? Does it change depending on how much of her body she is willing to expose? Do we make assumptions about where she loses her rights to be treated with respect based on her level of dress or undress? Because that is not right. Every woman is deserving of protection and respect for her beauty no matter how she is dressed.  And men will always look. 

Personally, I don't think it is problematic that men look at women. It think it is the kind of attention they give a woman and all the assumptions they carry with them about her based on her appearance, occupation, or whatever that is troubling. Women do it to women too.   How many times have you been called a slut by another woman because you pole dance?  Here is the thing: Overt displays of sexuality by a woman do not give you more of a right to judge, touch, shame or violate that woman’s boundaries in any way.  But they also don’t mean that you have to act like they are not happening.  There is a way of turning your gaze towards a sexually provocative woman that is neither demeaning nor dismissive.  There is a way of appreciating a woman’s beauty that acknowledges your own feelings without disrespecting her.

There are women who dress and behave in provocative manner because they are sexually disempowered.  There are women who dress conservatively because they are sexually disempowered.  There are also women who dress provocatively and conservatively because they are sexually empowered and clear in their values, desires and boundaries.  It would be nice if we could acknowledge and honor these choices.  It would also be nice if women felt truly free to make these choices from an authentic place. I cringe at superficial displays of sexual empowerment as much as I cringe at attacks on pole dancing that make it out to be the latest development in raunch culture.  But even if a woman is choosing to put it all out there because she is deeply insecure, needs attention and feels worthless isn’t carefully choosing to ignore her behavior versus shaming her for it the kind and right thing to do?

Another issue that comes into play with the male gaze is that women, because of a their fear of being threatened physically or judged or otherwise bothered, are not receptive at all to male attention and respond to it by becoming angry. At times this is justified. If someone is belittling you, of course you are going to be pissed.  At the same time, I think women are so conditioned to respond negatively to any male attention that they reflexively shut a man down, even when he is simply admiring her beauty.  The opposite side of that coin is that they feel they have to say yes or accept any advances because they don’t know how to set boundaries.

I used to get really angry when men would whistle at me or try to pick me up or say "Dddaaaaaammmnnn" when I walked by them. If I was wearing something revealing I would inevitably feel shame too.  I was sure that I had “asked for it” and that this meant I was a very bad girl.  (Turns out I am, and that’s a good thing, but that’s another blog.)

Today, I smile back at whoever is paying me the compliment (because, yes, I think it's a compliment when a man notices my beauty in a playful way) and say thank you.  I have had men hang out of car windows and yell at me about my beautiful ass, I have had them wave politely from trucks, I have had them smile at me across cafes, I have had them stare unabashedly at me in bars and I have had them stop me in the streets to tell me I’m beautiful and ask me if I have boyfriend.   I always respond with kindness.  If they try to pick me up I politely tell them I am not available.  Most men back off. Most men are grateful that I did not verbally emasculate them for paying me a compliment and taking the initiative to try and introduce themselves. 

I don't find most male attention demeaning or threatening. Even more importantly, because I engage men, I know when it IS truly threatening (versus judgmental, or just playful, or a little rude) and that makes me feel safer in the world.  Maybe I sound completely naïve. But let me tell you, my approach towards men today works far, far better then the shut down, fear-based responses I used to take with them.

And yet, while I think women need to be more open to positive male attention, and recognize that most men do not want to hurt them, it’s my belief that the ultimate responsibility for safety lays not in a woman and her choice in dress and behavior, but in the man who is giving the attention. The idea that it is EVER a woman's fault for any kind of boundary violation - including unwanted, unkind attention - is the same mentality that puts rape squarely on the victim's shoulders. "She was asking for it." Bullshit.  As men, it is your job to learn to control your instincts, learn to respect women in all their states of dress and undress and take responsibility for your reactions to your own arousal, disgust, pleasure or whatever else comes up when you see the female form. And until that happens, not a whole lot is going to change in the world.

Poleskivvies has an amazing post on their blog about sensuality, pole dancing and stripping.  Despite being posted almost three years ago, this blog continues to get comments.  And of course, I continue to follow them. I thought this comment, posted a few days ago by a woman named Darci, was quite interesting.  For the full thread click here.  


"Let me preface this by saying that I'm a stripper, and have been for 13 years (started dancing when I was 18). I'm also a visual artist and make a fairly decent living doing that. I would never have been able to make it as an artist without stripping. Everything I learned there about running my own business (from managing my own schedule to taxes) has applied. To me stripping was and is an invaluable job and I would encourage anyone who wanted to try it. I also pole dance outside of the club, both at home and in a dance studio because it's fun and I love doing it.

As far as the pole dancing/stripping interface - I think that what people are eventually going to have to accept is that it's in a different place for every person. Some people pole dance for fitness without ever caring if it's sexy or not. Some people take up pole dancing to learn sexy moves. Some people just love dancing of any kind and embrace the sensuality of the way you can move on the pole as a part of the art form. Any of those people could also be a stripper.

I've see a lot of pole dancing, both in and out of strip clubs, and I've seen girls in clubs who were amazingly gymnastic but honestly not trying to be "sexy", and girls in dance studios who were so sensual and fluid on the pole it would take your breath away.

The whole concept of "sexy" is actually sorta laughable to me because one of the things I've learned after working in strip clubs for this long is that there is no one kind of sexy. Every guy and girl likes something a little different. Some people are going to find any kind of pole dancing sexy - just because that's who they are. Other people couldn't care what kind of dancing you're doing - none of it is sexy or even something they care to watch at all (and yes, you definitely get those kind of people in a strip club).

Overall I think that people who derride pole dancing or stripping do it for the same reason. When a smart, articulate, and often well educated person tells someone that they do something that a smart, articulate, well educated person isn't supposed to do it throws most people off balance mentally. You've just proven their sterotypes wrong simply by speaking to them and, for many people, the only response to this is to now try and cram you into their little mental box where the sterotype used to be. Rather than being annoyed, I'm usually amused by it. Mostly because it's fun to watch people with inflexible minds trying to do the mental gymnastics that making sense of the situation requires."
What do you think?

What Does it Mean to Teach?

Teach: To impart knowledge or skill

Instruct: To furnish with knowledge

It’s been a while since I’ve written something.  And quite a bit has happened.  Aside from being named Editor-in-Chief of Vertical Art and Fitness magazine (shameless plug to get your subscription HERE), I have also started teaching pole.  This has opened up a whole other side of pole dancing for me.  It is one thing to be a student, and to dedicate yourself to dance.  It is an entirely different thing to teach it.  Becoming a teacher, in my opinion, is an extension of your learning curve – in any subject.  You never stop being a student, even when you teach.  At the same time, when you take on the responsibility of guiding others in a practice, you must lead by example.  This doesn’t mean you need to be flawless, but it does mean that you need to walk the walk.   For example, I can tell my students how to get into their bodies and how to access their emotions in their dance, and I can tell them how to be more sensual, but if I can’t embody those qualities in my movement, then I can’t really guide them to do the same. 

There is a tremendous amount of energy that goes into teaching.  You are pouring your essence, your enthusiasm, your wisdom and your knowledge into others.  You are offering your students support, guidance, encouragement and inspiration.  And you are keeping the energy levels up and positive in the room, while making sure everyone is safe and everyone is learning something.  You really can’t show up to class with anything else on your plate, or your students will feel it. 

I love it.

For me, teaching is about being of service.  It’s about nurturing and cultivating my students and helping them to grow in places they did not think possible.  But it’s also about respect.  In order to teach your students, you have to respect them.  You don’t have to like them, and you don’t have to be friends with them, but you do have to show them respect.  I remember when I first started learning to pole dance I viewed my teachers not just as instructors, but as mentors.  I believed in them and in what they were teaching me, and I had the utmost respect for their insight and wisdom.  Partly this was because they inspired me and partly it was because they acknowledged that whatever journey I was on was my own, and they knew when to get out of the way.  Today, I try to inspire that same feeling in my students - not through flattery and empty cheering, or authority and credentials, but through sincere acknowledgement, careful observation, and kindness. 

As a student, one of the biggest mistakes I saw teachers make was letting their egos get in the way.  If you want to teach, you cannot have an ego about it.  Your students will eventually see through it, and they will tire of it.  It is obvious when your students’ successes mean nothing more to you than a reflection of your own genius, or even worse, dollars in your wallet.  Naturally, everyone is susceptible to this kind of a thing – we are human after all – and we like appreciation.  But teachers who impart knowledge and skill as a one-way flow of information are doing their students and the material a huge disservice. Learning is a co-creative process.  People learn differently and in order to teach properly, you have to be able to understand your students’ learning styles and adjust accordingly.  This is true for pole dance too.  Your students may have blocks or fears in completely different areas.  Being able to identify those areas and help your students move past them requires you to be as aware of what your student is doing as they are of what you are teaching.  In psychology we learn that what you see in someone else is always filtered through your own lens, which is shaped by your own experiences.  It is impossible to make an observation about another human without taking into account your own issues.  This is especially important to remember when you are a teacher because you are being asked to guide another person on their journey.  How you guide them will depend heavily on your own level of self-awareness and humility.

My Marine Wives Class at Camp Pendleton

Of course, all of this is easier said than done.  But the joy must come not just from your success at imparting a skill, but at your student’s happiness at mastering it.

In celebration of my new teaching position at Polistic Dance Studio in Los Angeles, Polistic is offering fans of The Pole Story and Bad Kitty Exoticwear a special discount:  Bring your friend for free to an Intro to Pole class.  Share the link to this blog on Facebook then message me for the Promo Code!

 www.polistic.com

The Pole Story is showcased on KTLA with Bad Kitty Exoticwear!

I had a blast dressing up in a Sexy Santa costume from J. Valentine, along with the Bad Kitty crew Tuesday morning for KTLA news! Crystal Fambrini showcased a number of sexy fun products, including The Pole Story for her style section.  Check out the pic and click here for the clip!

Pole Story Party

Ever wondered how to explain why pole dancing is empowering to other people? Ever heard of  The Pole Story book? Want to know what it's about? Watch!

U.S. Embassy Rejects Pole Dancers - Response to Pole Spin's Article

I recently read in Pole Spin Magazine that several dancers were given a hard time coming to the United States to pole dance.  I found the article intriguing, but I was a little disappointed in the tone and the message.  In an attempt to create a dialogue about the topic (because I think it's important) I posted a comment.  For whatever reason, the comment was deleted and comments were subsequently closed.  At any rate I'm curious to hear what the pole community thinks about this topic.  So please,

Click here to read the article.

And read my comment below...then let me know what you think.

I'm actually glad to hear that the Feds are on point with regards to human trafficking.  I think it's great that they are being so cautious. Yes, people still confuse pole dancing with stripping.  And it's unfortunate that these women got caught in the middle of that.  But I'm not sure how I feel about having work in a gentlemen's club referred to as "sleazy and illegal'" since that's not always the case.  And frankly, I found the tone of this article to be a bit disparaging towards the industry that gave birth to pole dancing: the strip club industry.

What this story points out is not that "we have a long way to go before the stripper association is dislodged from people's minds".  Rather, I think it points out that we still have a huge problem with human trafficking and sex slavery.  And I think that dislodging the stripper association from pole dancing will not, in the big picture, do that much to help the much bigger problem of how our culture relates to expressions of female sexuality (which in turn, contributes to problems like human trafficking and sex slavery).  And, I think it's hypocritical to look down on the women who started this movement - i.e. the strippers.  If we talk about this movement being empowering for women then we disown the very women who created it, then we are not practicing what we preach.  It's not that I don't think there is a difference between clubs and studios, stripping and pole dancing - there is.  But we don't need to make that difference apparent by putting down women who choose to dance in a different context.  It has nothing to do with the movement.  I've seen women who dance extremely sensually in competitions and performances.  Removing the sexiness from the movement is not what will change people's minds about pole dancing.  Rather, we need to educate them about the differences in the environment and the purpose of the dance when it comes to clubs and studios, and help them to get more comfortable with displays of female sensuality.

Girl Next Door: Every Girl Has a Naughty Little Secret

Kelly Yvonne’s Girl Next Door: A Pole Dance Soiree is a delicious, fun and refreshing collection of pole dance vignettes performed at the King King in Hollywood every Sunday.  And the message is this: Everyone has an inner vixen.  Now invite her out to play!  The show opens with a few “housewives” dressed in peek-a-boo tutus and corsets meeting their new neighbors.  There is one housewife in particular who has not quite discovered her inner sex kitten.  Another woman takes it upon herself to begin to school her in the art of sexiness. This is, of course, all done very playfully and tongue-in-cheek.  And to a sexed up version of Mr. Rogers’ “Won’t You Be My Neighbor?”  It’s outstanding. 

There are fifteen performances and each one is a mini-story told through dance.  Most of them are done on the pole and the floor with the exception of an aerial hoop show above the bar, and another performance done on aerial silks.  There are two poles – one on the stage and one in the middle of the audience.  The dancers use both, as well as a small runway that juts out into the audience.  What ties the performances together is the idea that each of these women is taking a break from her daytime persona and revealing to the audience her sensual, sexy, secret side.  The program lists each of the dancers and their “day jobs” on one side.  Turn the program over and you see each of the dancers listed by the name of the song they perform to.  “Il Mio Bel Foco” had a violinist and an opera singer as music.  A pole dancer danced at the mercy of a cruel ringleader, bearing a whip, until she finally wins him over.  “On the Couch” was a man (well, a woman dressed as a man) begging for forgiveness from his woman for being late, ultimately seducing her by the end.  “Need You Tonight” was a dancer who performed for a video camera, her eyes never leaving the lens.  And “Bloodstream” was done entirely behind a sheer curtain with maybe only three pole tricks.  But it was easily one of the most intoxicating performances of the evening – with the exception of the finale of course. In the finale, each of the dancers took her turn dancing on a giant net above the stage, followed by a walk through the audience, a trick on a pole in the audience, a sexy little wall dance and finally, a walk or a crawl onto the stage for a final bow.  And they owned it.

 

Girl Next Door works well as a show because the simplicity of the presentation allows the unique and very different styles of the dancers to shine through without losing a sense of continuity and without taking itself too seriously. In between the different dances we watch the reserved housewife, with the help of her neighbor, discover and unleash her sexy side until, at the very end, she gets on the pole.  The show is sponsored by X-Pole, The Pole Garage, Quain Photo and Alexander’s For Hair and produced, created and directed by Kelly Yvonne.  It’s in its second season and the company has 28 members.  

Girls Next Door does an amazing job of blending pole artistry, athleticism and dance into a sexy, flirty, fun-filled show.  The secret is out.  Now go see for yourself!

www.girlnextdoorshow.com for tickets

Performances are the first Sunday of every month at The King King

Bridging the Gap Between Club and Studio: Evolve Performance Night

Annemarie Davies, founder of UPA and creator of Performance Night at Evolve.

Last weekend I had the pleasure of attending Performance Night at Evolve Pole Dance Studio.  Performance Night was started by Annmarie Davies, founder of  United Pole Artists and it showcases both students and teachers with varying levels of expertise.  There three things that set Performance night at Evolve apart from other studio recitals:

1. You are encouraged to tip the dancers with faux dollars.

2. The dances are unchoreographed.

3. There is an open bar.  

I’m assuming everyone is on board with reason number three and I don’t have to go into the merits of having an open bar.  Reason number one, however, might raise a few eyebrows.  Isn’t that the exact opposite of the image we are trying to create in the pole dancing industry?  Isn’t it demeaning to the women dancing?  As it turns out, no.  The dollars are a form of appreciation, along with applause and screams and both the dancers and the audience (men and women) understand this.  Now you and your boyfriend might have different reasons for throwing the dollars.  But at the end of the day, the attitude of the audience members is deeply respectful of both the art and the sensuality of pole dancing.  Which it turns out, is exactly Annmarie’s goal in creating the venue.  “I wanted to bridge the gap between stripping and pole dancing.  I want the women to have the experience of performing for “money” but in a safe environment.  I’m bringing a little bit of Jumbo’s into the studio”, says Davies.  Jumbo’s Clown Room is a famous bikini and burlesque bar in Hollywood.  It’s known for staging performance art striptease.  Davies is a performer there.

Reason number two: You might think an unchoreographed dance translates into disaster. Not in the pole world.  The dancers were amazing to watch.  And frankly, the lack of choreography made the movement more sensual and inspired than the usual pole show.  There was plenty of floor work and the dancers also had an excellent sense of musicality.  There was a woman who danced while a man sang and played guitar on stage with her.  Another woman, who had only been dancing a month and a half, showed off tricks that made me green with envy.  There was a massage therapist who moved as though her body was made of liquid. And another student finished her performance by pulling another student out of the crowd, and including her in her last pole trick.  And finally you had two beautiful performances from the magical Mina Mortezaie and Annemarie herself.  My jaw was on the floor. I’ve decided that AnneMarie is going to be my newest pole teacher.

So next time Annemarie puts on a performance night, if you are in LA  and you have twenty dollars, head over to Evolve and see what the buzz is about.  You will NOT be disappointed.

The Lovely Mina Mortezaie 

Why We Dance...

Patriarchal societies have forced women into stereotypes roles: the understanding, virtuous, and self-sacrificing woman, or the seductive, passionate and frightening woman.  Both feminine images are controlled through the body's appearance, attitudes, gestures and movements.  These categories tear up a woman and rob her of her strength.  She has to be very careful not to be misunderstood.  To be respected and taken seriously, she tries to hide her femininity and constrict her body into an emotional corset.  Split into saints and witches, women were at once put above and beneath the reality of life; either way, they were robbed of all real participation in the development and shaping of society.  They were supposed to derive happiness and satisfaction from a peripheral existence, supposedly in harmony with their "natural" role, namely self-sacrifice and submission. Dancing is an opportunity for a woman to look at these facets in a light and playful way, before deciding where she wants to stand.

Dance has completed its transformation from the realm of the sacred to the aesthetic and artistic and back to a joyful, sensual, and playful instrument for self-discovery.  The contents of dancing changed with each phase, always combining with people's immediate physical and spiritual needs. Indeed the language of dance flows over the socially coded body, and it uses a different logic that can be understood through sensual awareness.  Leaving oneself through dancing to enter a world beyond one's control and beyond the personal level - almost flowing between inner and outer world - contributes to a new and different understanding of the tensions between the different poles of existence.  By allowing the mind and the senses, the inside and outside worlds, to unite, without ever allowing either to become dominant, dancing makes it possible for people to set out on unorthodox searches for themselves, and to experience sexual and social issues in their own bodies.  Dance is an art and as such it enables whoever practices it to constantly improve their skills and self-knowledge.  And to know oneself is a human being's most essential duty.

--Rosina-Fawzi Al-Rawi

Witch Hunt

Last week, The Daily Mail ran an article called “Disgrace of the six drinking, pole-dancing primary school teachers who published the pictures on Facebook…Outrage after parent printed pictures and posted them through neighbors’ front doors.”

Evidently the photos show six women at a bachelorette in sexy army gear, drinking, smoking, and yes, pole dancing.  The teachers failed to make the photos private on Facebook.  A very motivated parent found the pictures online, printed them off, and put them the neighbors’ front doors with a letter which read:  “If you are as appalled as I am by these images which these tramps post freely for the world to see, how safe are our children?  Answer, not very! Children might be seeing these images.  What does this tell you about this school and how it is being run?  These women teach my children, but not for much longer.  I say remove the scum…”  The article goes to describe the parents’ reactions (“shocked”) and then to name four of the six teachers. 

It goes without saying that the teachers made a mistake by making the pictures available for all to see on Facebook.  However, publicly shaming them for what amounts to a harmless, free play of pleasure frankly has all the makings of a modern day witch hunt.  These women have a right to enjoy their lives outside of their work environment.  You know what I find shocking?  That in the year 2011 we still label women who enjoy their sexuality as tramps without a second thought.  And that we feel comfortable publicly humiliating them and then quickly move on to worrying about the effect “these women” will have on the children.  I am far more worried about what kind of an effect such blatant narrow-mindedness and venom will have on the children.  There is this unspoken belief that if you are a woman who partakes in sensual, pleasure-oriented behavior in any type of public venue, then you lose your right to be treated with respect and dignity.  You are a fallen woman, a tramp, scum (unless you are a celebrity of course – then you are worshipped for this same behavior).  This belief exists to varying degrees in many different cultures around the world and it is at the heart of why so many people struggle with accepting expressions of female sensuality, including those found in pole dancing. 

I am happy to say that it appears as though the school is standing by the teachers.  While they acknowledge that having the pictures circulated through a social networking site is regrettable, they also acknowledge that the photos were taken at a private event.  Additionally, the head of the school reportedly told the parents to “mind their own business”.   Now that’s more like it.

The Pleasure Principle

I’m sitting outside at Le Pain Quotidien on Melrose, enjoying a salad and a mimosa.  It’s one of those perfect LA days – blue skies, palm trees rustling in a gentle breeze, flowers blooming everywhere.  Le Pain Quotidien is one of the few places in LA that has real French bread.  And because I have a French mother, I am acutely aware of what constitutes real French bread, and what amounts to a sad approximation of French bread.   Tearing into and chewing a slice of pain rustique at this place immediately transports me to my grandmother’s apartment circa 1986.  My brother and I were sent every morning to get the bread from the boulangerie on the corner.  It was sometimes still warm from the oven, and we could barely wait to get home and sit down to a breakfast of bread and butter dipped in hot chocolate.  These days I dip my bread into Earl Grey tea, but the taste and texture of the bread is still my favorite part of the ritual.

This afternoon reminds of a different vacation though.  One I took with my lover two years ago.  We spent hours eating bread dipped in olive oil and consuming vast quantities of white wine in the South of France.  We lay on the beach, we lay in bed, and we went out to eat almost every night.  There was this sense of deep pleasure and immediate connection with our surroundings.  We lived with the luxurious feeling that time, for all its constraints and demands, was irrelevant.  Except for the day we almost missed our train back to Paris.  But that’s another story!

My relationship to time is challenging.  So is everyone’s I suppose.  I frequently feel rushed, I have a hard time scheduling time for myself and I’m often overcommitted.  But I recognize, on days like today, that the ability to let go of time, to let the day unfold on its own, without commitments, without plans gives me tremendous pleasure.  Sensations, such as the sun warming the wood of the table underneath my hand, or the smell of my perfume as the breeze blows through my hair, become heightened and I appreciate and connect with what is around me so much more.  My desires, both physical and emotional, become clearer.  I feel deeply relaxed.

I wonder sometimes if America’s relationship to pleasure is tragically intertwined with their relationship to time.  We so often rush through our lives; we put emphasis on being productive and on accomplishing our goals.  From this perspective, pleasure becomes another thing to experience, or to do rather than arising from an internal sense of peace or relaxation.  Of course, there are many different ways to experience pleasure.  But how I feel today reminds me of how I feel in dance class these days: unrushed, delighted, alive, aroused, playful and….happy.  Wait, happy? Yes, the woman who spent three years stomping around class threatening to bite your head off and spit it out is now smiling seductively and joyfully while she dances.  Don’t get me wrong – I’m still a complete tease.  I’ll still fuck with you if you sit in the chair.  I’ll draw you in and push you away.  But I don’t want to kill you anymore.  Au contraire.  I want you to come play with me.  Take me for a walk.  Tell me what to do.

My teacher Sheila said to me this week, “You know Claire, we all know that badass thing is just a bunch of bullshit.  I mean it’s hot as hell, but it’s complete bullshit.  Your vulnerable moments are what really make me want to fuck you (she really does talk like that – it’s all metaphorical of course).  That moment where you slipped a little bit and almost fell over?  (She turns to the class) Didn’t you want to fuck her?” They did.

My own personal experience of my vulnerability while dancing is of course, quite different.  It’s a bit scary at first, but I feel a great deal more pleasure when I dance from a place of relaxed happiness.  Why relaxed happiness makes me feel vulnerable and scared is yet another story, but I will leave it at this: I’ve never felt like I can trust it for too long.  But I care a lot less these days when I make a mistake (aka “something goes wrong”).  I don’t try to “do” a trick; I just follow my body and improvise.  Don’t misunderstand me though - that angry in-your-face dancing has its place too, and sometimes I need to move that way.  But the amount of freedom I feel when I dance from a place of lazy, timeless pleasure, a place where I let go of expectations is like a mini-vacation to the South of France in and of itself.  And frankly, so is an afternoon at Le Pain Quotidien!

You know, if I weren’t in public right now I would probably open my legs wide on this bench I’m sitting on and drop my torso and head in to a lazy seated hip circle.  Oh well.  Instead I will settle for an ultra slow hair pull with both my hands and a lazy, sexy, happy, head roll.  A tout a l’heure mes cheries!

Poling For Charity: The Flying Vs Dance to Help End Violence Against Women

So I don’t know how you spent your Saturday night, but I’m going to tell you how I spent mine, because it was positively spectacular.  First, I went to see The Vagina Monologues.  I know, it came out in the 90’s and where have I BEEN?  But for those of you who have never seen it, it’s worth going. The Vagina Monologues is made up of a varying number of monologues read by a varying number of women.  Every monologue somehow relates to the vagina, be it through sex, love, rape, menstruation, mutilation, masturbation, birth, orgasm, the variety of names for the vagina, or simply as a physical aspect of the body. A recurring theme throughout the piece is the vagina as a tool of female empowerment, and the ultimate embodiment of individuality (courtesy of Wikipedia).  The play does a nice job of making you feel good about your vagina, if you have one.  I do, however wish it included the more positive aspects of heterosexual relationships.   While I understand that one of the goals of the play is to raise awareness about violence against women, there were parts of the play that felt like flat-out man bashing, which I don’t particularly agree with. 

The Vagina Monologues is the cornerstone of the V-Day movement, whose participants stage benefit performances of the show and/or host other related events in their communities. Such events take place worldwide each year between February 1 and April 30. The performances generally benefit rape crisis centers and similar resource centers for women.  This year in Santa Monica, V-Day benefitted Peace Over Violence, an LA based charity that helps women who have been physically and sexually assaulted.  A portion of the proceeds also went to women and girls in Haiti who are launching a campaign to end violence in their country with the help of sponsors and activists.

Following the play, there was a lovely after party with food, drinks and…pole dancing! A group of women known as The Flying Vs performed on two freestanding poles smack dab in the middle of the after party.  The Flying Vs are made up of four women: Tracy Mueller, Christina Grance, Rie Katagiri and Katy Kamen.  All four women have an S Factor background, and two of the four teach pole dancing at S Factor.  Rie teaches at Movement Studio LA and Katy offers private lessons in Malibu.  Their first performance was a celebration of the transition from girl to woman.  The dancers started off in tutus and tank tops and as the song progressed, they shed their layers of girlish clothing to reveal womanly curves and lingerie.  The second performance was an erotic dance to Moulin Rouge’s “Roxanne”.  The message was: I’m unapologetically sexy.  Now watch me and worship.  In both performances, the dancers moved slowly, deliberately and extremely sensually.   While there were some beautiful pole tricks, the focus was just as much on the floor as it was on the pole.  The dancers were in almost constant eye contact with one another, feeding off one another’s energy, which heightened the eroticism of the performance. 

I think the presence of pole dancing, especially an incredibly sensual form of pole dancing at this particular charity event, is significant for three reasons.  First, it shows the spirit of the pole dance community in a positive light.  It is possible to be sensual and celebrate the beauty of the female body without denigrating or objectifying it.  Second, it reinforces the idea that ending violence against women (which is the driving force behind all the V Day celebrations) does not mean erasing or hiding or restricting their sexuality.  On the contrary.   The end of violence against women, in a certain way, means that women can fully own and express their sexuality and its power without fear of attack, judgment or any other negative repercussions.  And this is precisely what happened on Saturday night.  Finally, pole dancing for a charitable cause shows that women can choose to dance, they can dance for reasons that are positive, and that the pole dance community is devoted to helping those in need.  In other words, we have heart.  And if you have any doubt about that, then check out Anjel Dust’s latest pole fundraiser for Japan on April 16^th and Emilee Wilson’s fundraiser, also for Japan, at The Good Hurt on April 4^th.  We love to dance, but we love it even more if it’s for a good cause!

At the end of their last performance, The Flying V’s walked into their audience, who had formed a circle around them, and pulled women out onto the floor to dance with them.  It was a symbolic move, one that communicated that the dance was for all women.  I cannot begin to express to you the joy of looking around at a sea of women, all moving sensually on the floor, on the poles, all celebrating their bodies and their sexuality, all blissfully uninhibited and feeling safe and celebrated.  It was…awesome.  And it made me want to be a Flying V!

For more information on The Flying V’s go to: www.theflyingvs.com

For more information on V Day go to: www.vday.org

To get on board with Peace Over Violence check out: www.peaceoverviolence.org